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septic tank drain field repair, septic service, septic field installation, septic field products, portable toilet rental
Outhouse Humour 
A-1 Septic Tank Service: Servicing Mid-Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada
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Crescent Moon
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Fun Fact: The crescent moon cutout and the star cutout on the door of many outhouses date back to Colonial times. In a time when few people could read, the crescent moon was the symbol for women while the star was for men. It is thought that the men, in general, let their outhouses fall into such bad shape that it was the women's outhouses that survived the test of time. The cutout also let light into the outhouse as there were usually no windows.
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There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter. Plus it stank all the time.
The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy was resolute that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. |
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| One day after a spring rain when the creek was swollen, the little boy decided that it was time to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. After much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night the boy’s dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?"
The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."
His dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree." |
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A woman living in a rural area wanted nothing more than to have an outhouse that wouldn't stink. She advertised in the local papers for a contractor that could build such a structure.
After some time, a contractor applied for the job and guaranteed that his outhouse would not have any odour. The woman was happy to give him the job.
Some time after completing the construction, the man got a frantic call from the woman.
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She yelled into the phone, "You'd better get here fast! That outhouse has a terrible smell!"
The contractor rushed over, went to the outhouse, poked his head through the door and exclaimed, "No wonder it stinks! You pooped in it!" |
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollered out, “Pa! You need to go fix the outhouse!"
Pa replied sternly, "There ain't nuthin’ wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yelled back, "Yes there is! Now git out there and fix it!"
So Pa moseyed out to the outhouse, looked around and yelled back to Ma who was still in the kitchen, "Ma! There ain't nuthin’ wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replied, "Stick yer head in the hole!"
Pa yelled back, "I ain't stickin’ my head in that hole!"
Ma screeched, "You have to stick yer head in the hole to see what to fix!" |
So with that, Pa stuck his head in the hole, looked around, and yelled back, "Ma! I told you, there ain't nuthin’ wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollered back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeded to try to pull his head out of the hole but stopped and yelped, calling out, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the crack under the toilet seat!"
To this Ma replied, "Hurts, don't it?!" |
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Billy Bob and his wife Loretta were living on a farm in Northern Alberta. One day, Billy Bob found that the hole under the outhouse was full. He told Loretta that he didn't know what to do to empty the hole.
Loretta said, "Why don't you go ask George down the road?"
So Billy Bob went down to George's house and said, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." |
| George advised Billy Bob with a twinkle in his eye, saying, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. |
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"Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse into the air. While it's in the air the second one will go off and spread the contents of it all across your farm, fertilizing your land. The outhouse will come back down on the same spot, but the hole will be empty!"
Billy Bob thanked George and then quickly drove to the hardware store to pick up the two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. When he got home, he put the sticks of dynamite under the outhouse, lit them, and ran for cover behind a tree.
While Billy Bob watched the outhouse, Loretta suddenly burst out of the back door of the house and ran right into the outhouse! Before Billy Bob could stop her, the first stick of dynamite exploded, shooting the outhouse into the air!
Moments later, the second stick of dynamite exploded, spreading the contents of the outhouse all over the farm.
After the fury of explosions, the outhouse crashed back down atop the hole.
Billy Bob raced to the outhouse, threw open the door and yelled to his wife, "Loretta, are you all right?!?"
As she pulled herself up, she said in a daze, "Yeah. but I sure am glad that I didn't fart in the kitchen!" |
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